I’m Having So Much Fun.

Ever find that one thing that makes you happier than happy? The one thing that makes you smile from ear to ear? I have. I enjoy drawing cute things.

I’ve been drawing and coloring and creating ever since I can remember, but recently I’ve decided to make it more than a hobby. I realized drawing was something that I could enjoy even if I was stressed or anxious or down. Drawing calms my overly thinky brain and cute stuff gets made! I love it!

My tribe.

Group Therapy. So, today was group. I did not post following our first session, because it was mainly an informational session. Introduction to ADHD and an overview of future sessions. I did find, however, that I appreciate this small group of people. I appreciate that we share a similarity. We share similar struggles. My tribe.

Today, we talked about organization, which is something that I struggle with, personally. It’s incredibly difficult for someone with ADHD to prioritize, much less organize and plan. I hope that, with practice, I can develop a new skill. Who knows? Maybe I’ll end up being an Organization Queen!

The very first thing my psychiatrist wants us to do is get ourselves a notebook. Our notebook holds all notes. No more random notes scratched on post its and old receipts. We need to use the notebook to keep track of reminders and lists. Things to remember. One notebook. One notebook to rule them all.

The second thing my psychiatrist wants us to get is a calendar. The calendar is for appointments. It’s also for us to keep track of tasks we want to do. Our daily tasks.

Speaking of, we are to make one Master To-Do list per week or per month, depending on our own personal tastes. Once we make that list, we make daily lists (which we are to put in or on the calendar). Again, we use whatever time-frame we choose: daily, weekly, or monthly. Then, we prioritize the list, categorizing them according to their urgency. We are to assign the tasks using the letters A-C. Then, we are to further prioritize those tasks, assigning numbers this time. So, theoretically, task A-1 would be the most difficult or time-consuming task on the list.

Now, as we go about our day, we are to complete a task before moving on to the next task. I am going to have to really work on that one. I have difficulties finishing tasks. Ugh.

Lastly, we learned how to problem solve. It’s easy, when we have problems, to make mountains out of molehills. Way too easy. So when we have a problem, we’re supposed to write it out … no more than two to three sentences. Then, we write out every single possible solution. Then, we make lists of pros and cons and assign each solution with a rating (1-10 or a percentage). Once we make it through the entire list of solutions, the most logical solution will have presented itself, keeping in mind that the best solution may not be the most desired one.

One lesson that I learned through today’s session is new skills take time to develop. So if i find that I am floundering, I know that it’s okay. I just need to get myself back on track and try again. I can do this.2016-06-07 20.48.26

 

Tomorrow …

So, tomorrow I am travelling with my two-year old to Alabama. Over 1000 miles long trek. I’m a nervous wreck, and I can feel the old familiar depression creeping in. I’m imagining all the worse possible scenarios, of course. I’m envisioning my son having a meltdown for four hours. I’m envisioning the plane malfunctioning and crashing. It’s a nightmare.

Anywho, my husband, who unfortunately for him, is my best friend. I love him dearly. He makes my life absolute bliss. Well, for the most part … He doesn’t understand my anxiety or my Aspergers. Sometimes it’s like we are speaking different languages. It’s very frustrating for me … and I can imagine for him, as well.

I told him this morning that I would like a way to communicate with him while I am away. And he told me, “Well, you’re there to visit with your family, not talk with me all day.” To be completely honest, he may as well have poured scalding water over my head. I get it. He doesn’t have that need to feel connected to me as I do to him, but having my desires and needs dismissed … feels cold and uncaring.

He believes that my need to feel connected with him has something to do with the differences in the way we were raised, and maybe it does. After all, Aspergers, anxiety, and ADHD have been linked to genetics. My parents raised me the best way they knew how, as I’m sure my husband’s mother did (as all parents do).

My upbringing and genetics have little to do with my personality, however. The way I feel love. You cannot teach a child to feel love in any one particular way. They feel love how ever they feel love, and that’s how you reach them.

I’m so beyond frustrated at this point. Upset. Discouraged. Depressed. Heartbroken. I just wished he would try to understand. Or at the very least, humor me. I wish he would allow me the one thing that would make this trip bearable.

I am going to try to focus my energies on my family. Remembering the joy and the happiness that my visit will bring. That’s what I will dwell on. No tears. Positive thoughts.