My mind-trap.

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I am so tired. Physically and mentally drained. For someone who has extreme anxiety and ADHD (a recent diagnosis), my job is the most stressful thing I could have chosen to do with my time. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. I love that I make people smile. I love that I get to hand them a cup full of sunshine. I love that I get to make their day. I am absolutely obsessed with coffee and what it does for me, so how could I not love doing that exact thing for others?

Even though I love my job, the stress is, at times, more than I can handle. Like this weekend, when we are crazy, crazy busy. I am struggling more and more to find a healthy way to cope. I’m on medication that is supposedly going to help. Ha. My psychiatrist is a liar. It’s NOT helping. I am not any less anxious or less depressed. Sigh … doctors.

I mean, my job is one thing. I do that everyday, but it’s the unexpected that gets me. For instance, tomorrow, I have to be at the psychiatrist’s office for “group therapy”. What the heck is “group therapy”, anyhow? I’m going to be stuck in a room with a bunch of strangers for an hour … to … work on my anxiety? The thought makes my hair stand on end. How will I ever manage?

Oh my brain. How I wish I had normal mental processing. Then, none of this would bother me, and I would be free.

7 thoughts on “My mind-trap.”

  1. At age 72 I have faced challenges of possible having a strong case of ADHD and an Addictive Personality. The fact that I moved 50+ times; changed my type of work at least 20+ times; have been married 5 times; and just last week (April 28, 2016) was threatened, by my 47 year old Chinese wife, with being killed if I returned home have lead me to counselling. My interests are eclectic and my marriages have been progressively more intergenerational and intercultural.

    I would like to settle down – what foods would you suggest? The only pharmaceuticals I take are for increasing tremors.Over the years I have gone from 10+ cups of coffee a day to one or less cup of decaf coffee (cream – no sugar); two packages of cigarettes to zero for the past 25 years; uncontrolled alcohol to a couple of lite beers a week; and excessive preoccupations with sex and gambling to tightly controlled behavior.

    rogerhumbke@hotmail.com or rogerhumbke@gmail.com or roger@humbke.com

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  2. Quite honestly, I am merely beginning my journey. I was just diagnosed with ADHD last month, so I am still in the learning process. Reducing your caffeine intake is a good start! In group, we are learning organizational, planning, and other necessary skills. I will be posting what I learn … perhaps it might help you as well.

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  3. Thank God, when I was young they didn’t have Ritlin. As a school principal I dealt with a number of case of ADHD so I learned a lot. I have always avoided being tested for it because from what I read, the treatment, other than organic ones like diet, no caffeine etc, could cause more harm than good.

    I now believe the benefits exceed the negatives, as long as you learn to live with and control the excessive behaviors.

    Good luck with your learning. I look forward to seeing what you discover. We are all very active learners.

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    1. I always avoided being tested too. In my case though, it was because of the stigma attached to mental illness. Now, I don’t care. I just want to live free. I want to be able to do what I want, when I want. And if that means taking medication or seeking professional help, so be it.

      The future is bright. And thank you! I think I am going to enjoy group therapy. It’s a great bunch of folks, and it will be helpful to be around people who struggle with the same issues.

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  4. My advice ALWAYS have a complete physical exam before taking any medication. Psychs throw drugs at people hoping something “sticks” The wrong medication can make your symptoms worse, or add symptoms or even be deadly. A medical doctor sees a vast array of patients: your symptoms may fall into a category that they see day in and day out. So many Americans get shoved onto the “drug train” and spend years being poisoned by multiple medications that keep them ill.

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