Reaching the brink

I have needs and desires and cares. I listen more than I speak and think more than I do. I am one, single, solitary person, but I have a voice. Perhaps it is time I learn how to use it. Speak up. Defend. Avoid reaching the brink.

Communication does not come easy for me, and perhaps I assume more than I should. I assume people will ignore me as they always have. I assume they will slam the door in my face and push me to and fro. I assume I am invisible.

Having a small child, a newborn specifically, will teach a person lessons. Valuable lessons. I am learning that my previous assumptions are moot. People will not ignore me. People will stop and look at my child and desire conversation (ugh, the communication-thing). They will tell me how beautiful he is and congratulate me. They will invade my space, clamoring to get close to “the baby”. People will hold the door for me, as I balance groceries, child, diaper bag, and self. They will smile and nod, remembering the struggles of a new parent. They will compliment and criticize in the same breath, and remind me that I am no longer invisible.

Sadly, I have a blaring bull’s eye on my back. I am different. I think differently and therefore do things differently. My differences make me unique. They make me, me. However, society likes conformity, and differences call attention to themselves.

Normally, I would say that learning is good. However, my lessons drown me in stress and anxiety. My lessons push me closer and closer to the brink. My lessons overwhelm. Honestly, at times I feel like giving up. It is then that I fight harder. When I come out the other side, I feel as though I have won a battle against all odds, conquering the impossible. I feel victorious!

Ultimately, learning is about trying and testing a person in life’s fires. A lesson learned creates a stronger, more resilient individual. Do not give up in the middle of battle. Fight! Conquer!

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