I collect negative thoughts. Not on purpose, mind you. It’s just how I am. It’s almost an obsessive behavior, like hoarding. It builds and builds until I can no longer function. Till I am forced to face whatever it was that began the whole thing. Sometimes, I must relive each individual memory, thought, or idea. Talk about pain! Often, I resent myself for being this way. Again, I question, as I always do. Why must I cause myself such suffering? Why must I relive each painful memory?
In all seriousness, I need a plunger. No, not a physical, tangible plunger. One of another kind … an emotional plunger. I need to be able to remove the emotional “clog” in my life. Most people have emotional plungers, why don’t I?
Most people have emotional sounding boards, people they can talk to or bounce ideas off of. Those people, perhaps, act as a plunger. They, in effect, help remove a “clog”. However, I am not most people. I have difficulty saying what is on my mind. Communication is not something I do well, and for a plunger to work, one must be able to have open communication and no crossed lines.
Sadly, I run into the same problem every time I have an emotional clog: No one who understands my thought processes. Then again, I have even more difficulty reaching out to other people [because of my social anxiety], so I don’t guess that “problem” really counts, does it? I never give anyone a chance. So, I am left to dealing with my clog on my own.
Oddly, I have learned, over the years, that some clogs are imagined. Quite honestly, a lot of my clogs are not even real. They are products of an over-active imagination and obsessive thought processes. I am presently dealing with an emotional clog that is overwhelmingly huge. I wonder just how much of it is imagined … and how much of it is real.