I have social anxiety, which means the mere thought of being amongst people causes extreme anxiety. Ironically, I am also obsessively compulsive. It’s ironic is because I have to have a certain number of particular items on hand. Should I run low on groceries, I became very anxious. In order to avoid my anxiety, I need to go shopping, which causes me anxiety. In order to avoid anxiety, I stay home. Then, I notice I am running low on groceries, which causes me anxiety. And ’round and ’round we go. You see my dilemma? It can get frustrating.
While big cities have virtually everything at the tips of one’s finger, it ain’t the life for me. Too much dependence upon the local grocery, hardware, and clothing stores. Too much hustle and bustle. Too much anxiety.
My dream is to procure a country cabin surrounded by green, lush nature; to purchase a head or two of cattle; to grow my own veggies and fruits; and to learn how to live off the land. I want to be self-sufficient, self-sustaining. For someone like me, nature is so calming, so soothing. The sound of the wind through the grasses. The rush of the babbling brook. The flora and fauna harmonizing. No overcrowding. No overlapping voices. No rushing hither and thither. Just me and the never-changing calm.
Quite honestly, I will probably never move to the countryside or learn how to live off the land. So, I must make do with the current living situation in which I presently find myself. I must find contentment, find my own retreat. It’s a daily struggle, being a thinky girl in the big city, but if I can survive high school, then I can find a way to survive the industrial jungle too.